Content Warning: This post discusses substances that are not legal in all jurisdictions. The use of ketamine is legal where I live, and I only use it under the care of medical professionals and with the help of a trained guide. I do not condone or recommend the use of any substances which are illegal where you live, or the use of ketamine or any other psychedelics without the guidance of a medical professional and guide or therapist.
Having a neurodivergent brain, specifically an ADHD one, can make it difficult to meditate. Meditation is a big part of Druidry, and is a great practice for mental and physical health in general. My main issue is that I’ve never been able to quiet my racing thoughts. I know that it’s not necessary to clear your mind completely of all thoughts when meditating, but I would like to at least keep them from screaming at me and pulling me in a million different directions at once. I could sometimes calm my mind if I gave it a focus like listening to the words of a guided meditation or if I had something to fidget with, but without those aids, forget it!
As mentioned in my previous post about medications, I’ve recently started Ketamine therapy. My first session was underwhelming, probably because I started out on a low dose due to my history of being sensitive to any kind of substance. We increased my dose for the second session, and I think it was just right. During this second session, I experienced something I’ve never experienced before… a quiet mind! For once in my life, the inner voices just floated there quietly instead of zooming around and tugging at me. It’s like they went from the usual noisy chatter to mostly silent with the occasional muted whisper. It didn’t last very long, but it was a nice feeling.
After the session ended I thought “well that was nice, but it would be great if I could do that without being in a session.” And I went about my life as usual. Then a few days later, when I went to meditate, I thought “I still remember how it felt when my mind was quiet. Let’s try to do that again.” And sure enough, my brain remembered how to do it! It’s like my brain had to feel it to believe it and know how to get there again. Now that I knew it was possible, I could go back to that when I wanted to!
There are still times when I just can’t get my mind to be that quiet again, and it does require some work and to be in the right headspace for it, but I am so relieved that it’s actually a possibility for me now.
Yours under the Blue Oaks,
Header image by Elias.